Meanderings of a Monkey Juggler

Back from another juggling event; this time the Crawley Car Park Convention (As Clur would of it).

I got myself a lift down to the site with Phil and Camille (who pretty much slept the whole way).  And what a journey!  It took hours and we averaged 66kph (about 40mph) and it's a long way. 

And into the car park.  Yes a car park.  I have a tent.  I want to put my tent up.  It's a car park.

All available grassy knolls had been taken already.  There were some spots near the tents but these would be too noisy.  I ended up on an "island" with a lamp-post in the middle of it.  There wasn't enough room for my tent but it stayed up well enough to keep me dry overnight.

D phoned me up to ask "Where are you?" at the exact moment Phil switched his engine off in the car park as we arrived.  Now that's what I call timing.

Had a wander to chat to the regulars and then went to sit on the stairs and natter with whomever.  A longish chat with Carla ensued where she kept showing off her "talents" which she really shouldn't do.  But when you saw her face lit up on other folks' discomfort you can see why she still keeps doing it.  Stop it!  It's really not good.

Later on a few of us (inc Barnsey) went off for a meal down the Harvester.  Excellent food and waitress (who sadly wouldn't join us).

And back for the show:  What a show.

Normally I'd list the artistes and what I thought.  There wasn't a list that I found of everyone who was on in order and the comperes didn't introduce anyone so it's a bit difficult.  More about the comperes later.

• Chinese pole woman - Good act and some "gnarly skillz" but perhaps a little too long.
• Zack - winner of the "Perform at Crawley" prize at BYJOTY.  He was excellent and, apart from some visible lack of performing experience, was right at home on the stage.
• Trapeze girl with big hair - nice idea but very long and usually over-played any of the gags worth doing; always over-played the gags that weren't worth doing.
• Woman juggling - Nice 3 club stuff but a few too many drops.  I liked her movement though.
• Acrobatic troupe - very good skills and beautifully choreographed - probably my fave act of the night.  Anyone know who they were?  A shame they didn't do more in the second half.
• 2 person static trapeze type thing - very good routine although too much characterising going on and getting in the way.  This was a case of less is more.  For instance - there was a gert 'uge feather boa hanging off the thing wot they dangled off.  They were doing some nice links between moves up on the thing and this bloody boa just got in the way (visually).  Chuck it off and show us some decent contrast!  You were good enough to not need the amateur dramatics of the comperes as an adjunct to your act.  Oh and the best finish to an act I've seen in quite a while.
• Maksim Komaro - Finnish juggling legend. Excellent routine.  I heard a few people not being impressed but it was the best ball routine I've seen for a while.  I liked it and not only because he reminds me of Bernard Black.
• 2 dancers/strippers/clothes poi people - seen before t BJC (and apparently at EJC).  Nice music and characters but nothing too special.
• Luke Wilson - very nice clubs job.  Excellent choreography again and timed to perfection with the music.

And onto the comperes.  I don't think I'd go quite so far as calling for their heads or banning them from any shows ever again, BUT.... 

Here's the compere's rule book:

1. Tell us who's on next and "give it up for....[insert previous act here]" - NOT don't tell us.
2. Let us know when the next act is starting at least (so we know when to clap) - NOT just wandering on and off aimlessly and leaving chasms of silence.
3. Keep the energy of the show by being good and cracking on with it - NOT kill the atmos stone dead every time you come on stage to waste everyone's time.
4. In a family show do things that are family friendly - NOT get your knob out.
5. A joke is good enough to do once, possibly twice if you're Steve Rawlings. A non-joke is not good enough to do at all - NOT do a non-joke 3 times, for 5 minutes a time.

I know I like it when people break rules but some rules are there for a reason.  In much the same way as a "make your own" pizza is rarely as nice as a tried and tested recipe; you shouldn't monkey around with the compere's job too much.

The reason I've got a bee in my bonnet about this is that I don't like not liking people on stage.  I want to see people do well and have a good time - it means I get a good time too.  But this was embarrassing and I'm British, I do embarrassment but don't like it in public.

Anyway after the show it was a long chat in the bar until we got kicked out.  Wandered around a bit 'til bed time.  Oh and I did a good deed by giving some random strangers a pound for the coffee machine.

Sunday morning dawned miserable and rainy.  Got up to find breakfast and realised that I now had no money for food after giving that pound away.  Bugger.

People slowly got up and came to chat.  Did some juggling and left early.  Didn't get to say "bye" to many I wanted to but couldn't find everyone as we disappeared.  Anyway "Bye" to everyone I didn't get to say it to.  Better late than never.

Home to bed.  Oh no.  K tells me Paula's coming round.  Long chat about Bg and photos of her mum's place in Bg - very nice.  And eventually to bed.

I'm away from tomorrow - In Bg of course so I'll be quiet (or silent) 'til I'm back (31st).

Have fun.

I wasn't going to write this up on this site.  It was more an exercise for me to get some thoughts down whilst watching a TV show.  But now, having seen the news re potential terrorist threats against the UK I thought it would be worth rehearsing publicly.  What follows are the thoughts I wrote down when watching a TV show called "What Muslims Want".  It was a thoughtful show hosted by a very respected news presenter (Jon Snow) and attempted to make some sense of the results of a research questionnaire about "What Muslims Want".  They asked 1000 muslims in the UK from a variety of occupations and ages a few questions. 

Here's what I wrote:

The thesis: Integration has stopped.

Muslims seem to think 9/11 was set up by USA and Israel. (50% of respondants)
Princess Di was killed because she was dating a muslim. (40%)
It could be argued that it's likely that people that believe any of the religious bollocks are soft-minded enough to believe this sort of crap.

82% feel British.  That's nice.

The younger ones are more radical and more conservative.  They all witter about the Iraq war.  Not one mentions that it's muslims killing muslims more than westerners killing muslims.  It's the US's fault that some muslims blow up mosques in Baghdad?  Yeah right.

23% felt 7/7 bombings were justified.  Scum.
The bombings were the fault of the UKs foreign policy?  No the cause was 4 poor deluded fools with a mis-directed grudge (with no basis) and no intelligence.

Adulterers should be stoned to death (a 20-something UK citizen).  And what about witches?
At this point another muslim man intervened and argued against him.  This was good to see but I fear the interloper is a quieter voice.

66% said women should not be forced to wear the hijab themselves.  This means 34% think they should be forced.  Hardly an overwhelming argument for the lack of oppression of the muslim woman.

Over half feel gay people should be banned from teaching! Surely your child's faith that gayness is obscene would protect their virtue from such deviates? Or do you feel that the lure of being gay is stronger than the pull of your religious education you've forced on sorry gifted to your children?

40% are offended by the UK's "bad moral behaviour".
67% think UK parents give children too much freedom.  I'd agree with them on that one.

"56%" of muslims think that they are "under attack". Well duh?  I know they're stupid enough to believe all sorts of bollocks but I can't believe that they're so stupid that they're surprised that when muslims blow up bombs in the UK then other muslims in the UK will be under suspicion.

Freedom of speech:
No-one should be allowed to insult their religion.  Bollocks!
The cartoon embarrassment was mentioned - "behead the artists and publishers" - oh sweet.
"everyone should be sensitive to other faiths" - right.  And you can offend me can you? You stupid stupid wanker? I hold sacred the ideal of free speech.  How the hell would you uphold that if I can't disrespect your prophet? I have no wish to disrespect your prophet but if it pisses the likes of you off then that's a perfectly good enough reason for me to start. 

It seems that Muslims want us to give them stuff they want and they're willing to bully us to get it.  Doesn't seem very peaceful to me.

In all of this it all seems that they (incidentally if you're wondering why I'm using terms like "they" here, it's because the participants kept referring to "us and them" - so I'll carry on the mode) are actively on their way to ensuring they are seperate and this, through history has never lead to any benefits. Does Islam teach you to ignore the lessons of history?  It also seems that all this seperatism isn't based on religion but the politics of the tribe (back to us and them).  It's always good to feel part of a tribe I suppose and never leads to inter-tribe strife [sarcasm].  I thought we could have grown out of that sort of imbecility this millennium.

And all us native WASPs are all depraved and drunk and licentious.  No.  That's chavs and you may be surprised to know that many of us really don't like that aspect of our country either.  The difference is that I'm disciplined enough to make my own choices rather than having them made for me by some people interpreting a book.  We have laws to prevent this sort of thing.  The fact that they are not enforced to the standard that many want is NOT an argument for Sharia.  It's an argument for decent policing.

In summary: If you're offended by me then screw you.  I'm not harming you or your religion (unless it really is pathetically weak).  You can't believe how angry your views have made me.  I'm shaking with anger as I write this.  And you had no idea did you? I'm a positive person generally.  I like immigrants, I want friends of different faiths and races.  I want to learn a new language.  I'm against the Iraq war and generally have been against Israel and their treatment of Palestine and you have made ME this angry.  Just what do you think you've done for the average white Brit?  You are going to end up suffering so much if you feel that seperation, bullying and violence will get you what you want.  Live and let live eh? You're not special.  You deal with us the way you want us to deal with you ok?  It's called basic civility.  No more bullying, no more childish whinging about offence and no more wanting special treatment.  I repeat, you are not special.  You're just another person.  Shut up and leave us alone.  Sort your own problems out and don't expect us to pander to your (repeat: "your") beliefs. 

 

That was not exactly what I wrote down on the night.  What I actually wrote was far more sweary and offensive than that.  But my point I think is valid.

Let's start on the "us and them" business.  We hear that muslims feel that they are discriminated against.  That may be and it's a sadness to me.  But what you don't hear so much is that there are 1.5 million muslims in the country which in the main has allowed them to slot into the towns and cities with not too much grief.  Most white brits I know aren't fussed who lives near them as long as people are nice and friendly and don't give them grief.  What hacks people off is those wanting special treatment or being told to pander to peoples' beliefs (that are their own restrictions they imposed on themselves).

I deal with plenty of muslim people at work.  The vast majority are lovely and friendly and I have no problems with.  Occasionally you find one who is clearly horrified either that I'm a man (some women do this) or that I'm white.  Screw you! 

Think of it like having guests (or even neighbours).  If I invite a guest in and he spends the time criticising my record collection then I'm not too disturbed.  If he decides that my record collection is so offensive he's going to plant a bomb in the bedroom so he can kill the idiot with the stupid record collection then I might be narked enough to kick him out should I discover the plot.  I can live (as indeed the vast, overwhelming lot of white Brits can) with people who have different ideas.  I'll go further; I welcome people with different ideas.  But hospitality does start to wane somewhat given the sort of grief that some morons want to kick out.  The problem is also that we don't know who amongst the group are the idiots with the bombs.

Who are the terrorists harming?  No-one but their own community.  There may be a few people killed in an attack (even up to a couple of thousand at worst) but how many normal muslims are going to get grief from dickheads of the white community.  I repeat something I mentioned earlier: if I feel angry with how some muslims are dealing with the fact they don't live in a muslim country then there are a hell of a lot more people out there who aren't as thoughtful as me and will take it out on their community (and the poor hindus, sikhs and asian christians who'll get lumped in to the same "brown" group by the idiots).  It seems that the thought "I don't like this country therefore I'll leave" is too big a mental leap for these mentalists.

"Ah but that's not the point is it?" you cry.  They don't like the fact that our country is interfering in their homeland's affairs therefore they'll interfere with ours.  True but then they handily skip over the fact that we had the largest ever demonstration in this country a while back.  What was it for?  Oh yes, supporting that view. Oh and it's not the west blowing up huge numbers of civilians in Iraq (now) it's other muslims but this rarely gets raised and never discussed. Never mind we'll just kill some people anyway and get to shag some virgins as part of the deal; cool. 

And to make matters worse the extremists will look at the security response and think; "They're stopping muslims.  Look, look, they're stopping muslims!" at the airport for example.  It's therefore clear that the whole of the UK white community is utterly Islamophobic therefore they are our enemies.  And some idiots will believe them.  Since white people have no talents except as oppressors.

Oh I don't know and I'm bored now.

Have fun.  (Please?)

I've got interesting job news for me.  I had a chat with a private company yesterday.  They deal with the IT side of delivering healthcare.  As a clinician I have some knowledge they don't have and I know how IT works more than your average clinician so I asked if they had any opportunities for me.  They wrote back and suggested I go in for a chat.

So I did and it was a positive chat in the main.  There are one or two issues to deal with but I doubt anything too extreme to conquer.  It will also mean that , if I get a new job, I'll definitely be staying around for longer.  I'm not going to take a new and interesting job and then bugger off just as I'm getting into it.  Anyway fingers crossed.  It sounds just right up my alley.

If poss I'm hoping I'll be able to do part-time in both jobs, but that's one of those extremities to conquer (with my boss).

So that's my news.

Now, what about the rest of you?  Eh?  Clurb's been silent and hasn't even dealt with spam comments for well over a week.  Not heard from Pete since his cryptic "we're leaving" message.  Daz hasn't written anything for at least 2 weeks and Rosie has clearly stopped bothering since May (and told me so when we were at Sheffield).  Even Rod is less forthcoming at present.  It seems that everyone has "gone away".  How are you all?

Have fun.

PS I've had some excellent search terms getting to me recently.