Meanderings of a Monkey Juggler

I link from this site to Andrew Collins' blog and he recently wrote a story (here) about some imbecile contractor who wanted to move abroad because of the usual idiotic reasons.  You know the sort of thing (too many speed cameras, too many immigrants etc)

Apparently there's been a study asking people if they want to move and the beeb (bless her) has put a "Have Your Say" wotsit up about this.  The usual variety of loons has responded.  Here are some of the more choice idiot ramblings.

What is there left for a decent hard working family in this country?

Higher taxes (that amount to legalised theft) to pay for the growing benefit queue, outsourcing of jobs to places like India, ridiculous house prices, rising crime and reduced sentences for serious convicted criminals, growing tensions between immigrants and native Britons, a government in turmoil with no leadership or direction, the list goes on and on.

• Higher taxes?  Yes higher than they were before but then our services were run into the ground because of tax starvation.  The countries that everyone is mentioning are great have higher taxes (except the US which just doesn't have the services). 
• Outsourcing of jobs to India?  Same in the US, same in Europe, it's called capitalism and the opposite of what you would no doubt call "the nanny state". 
• Rising crime - actually no.  The papers want you to think that but crime by all objective measures is down.
• Growing tensions - probably but that's hardly unique to the UK; spot the riots in Paris earlier this year - and the struggles in the US about whether Spanish should be used at all officially. 
• Government in turmoil - maybe but are any not?  The US is as split as it's ever been.  Germany is split too.  Canada seems stable enough but then what do we know about their internal politics?  And they've just had a big anti-terrorist deal going on so there are clearly problems there too. 

On to the next one:

We'd move from London to LA tomorrow if we could. Our part of the world is so overcrowded now, and getting worse all the time - houses on top of each other, parking, you name it. And the political correctness that controls so many aspects of our lives drives us absolutely mad!

• London is over-crowded but LA isn't?  Hmmm.. So parking is now a reason to move.  Has this person not realised that LA is full of cars?  They have worse roads and infinitely bigger jams than the UK has too.  It's also about the most polluted city in the US. 
• Political Correctness!  Don't get them started on that good heavens.  So LA isn't politically correct is it?  You smoke and you're a pariah.  You have a glass of wine with your meal and you're an alcoholic.  The PC police are far more powerful (and vocal) in the US than they are here.  At least in the UK we just scoff and ignore them; I doubt that'll work in the US. 

And finally 

I am planning to emigrate to Florida as soon as possible! The attraction? Better quality of life, better schools and education system for my children, lower cost of living, better health care, and better weather. You don't really live in Britain, you exist. In the US it's catered for families, friendly service, great value, cheap entertainment. Over here, businesses are just profit hungry and we are ripped off and over taxed at every turn. Talking of which, there is no income tax in Florida because the revenue from the Sales Tax/Tourism is so high - so automatically my income would be 50% greater a month with things being 50% cheaper! - a win/win by all accounts.

• Better schools?  I remember an American stand-up talking about his high-school diploma:  "To graduate you must be this tall" [making a hand gesture about 3 feet off the ground].  I doubt the US school system is much better than ours.  And in ours you don't need to dodge the loner who brings a gun to school on the last day of term instead of Buckaroo. 
• Better health care?  Well that's a new one.  The US has never had better health care than the UK since the NHS was set up.  Sure if you can pay for insurance it's ok but don't get any pesky chronic conditions like asthma, diabetes or cancer.  No doubt these splitters will be back to the UK for work on these should they ever get properly ill. 
• Better weather?  This guy's going to Florida - in the centre of Hurricane Alley (hit by dozens of tropical storms and stronger every year).  When it's not like that they bake - didn't we just have a thing where we were all told that the temperatures here were life-threatening?  I'm sure it's hotter there. 
• Friendly service - read "very good at fobbing you off for crap service" at least that's what I found.  "Businesses are profit hungry" huh?  And the US is a socialist haven based on fairness of prices is it? 
• "No income tax"?  That's bollocks for a start.  There may be no local income tax for all I know but general income tax is national not state run. 

There seems to be a vast amount of delusion over these people's eyes.  It's easy to get into an "everything's shit" frame of mind.  I had an on-line chat with a guy moving to Bg because there were too many speed-cameras and he didn't like the congestion charge in London.  Honestly they were the things he whinged most about.  It's true that Bg has neither of those things but then they have corruption in their political system, police corruption, the Mafia, really cash starved health services, really bad service ethic, freezing weather in the winter, high crime, poverty and they triple their prices when they figure out you're not local.  Hmm, not a bad trade-off for not being told not to speed habitually.

Thankfully one person has some sense on the beeb's board:

I find it interesting that no-one is talking about the 'other side', those of is that left and came back. I moved to California 12 years and came back, for a lot of reasons. The U.S. (and especially CA) has become every bit expensive to live in as the U.K., you have NO guarantee of health care and people DO lose everything when they cant afford to pay. Britain is not perfect but also a lot of people suffer from 'grass is greener' syndrome. I know quite a few people who have moved away that would love to come back.

Also isn't it the ultimate irony that those complaining about immigration here now want to become immigrants themselves...

I have some faith in humankind.

Have fun.

Well a deathday really.  Today is the 40th anniversary of Lenny Bruce's death.  The pioneer of hard-edge stand-up hounded to death by the police and judiciary because he used naughty words (the public argument) but more honestly because he challenged conventional thinking on sex, religion, the police and politics.  If you've never heard of him then I'd recommend you chase some of his early stuff down.  It's not that easy to get into but you can see the genesis of people like Bill Hicks and Denis Leary in there. 

Have fun.

Well we're doomed for many reasons but the latest to come to my attention was the marvels of food packaging!  I have just bought a packet of salted peanuts to scoff at work between patients and writing irate whinges on this site.  The peanuts are not only advertised on the label as "peanuts" and the packet is see-through so you can see there are peanuts inside.  No that's not enough.  There's a small warning on the back.  You can guess what it says.  Alongside the normal warning about children may choke on nuts there's a completely seperate warning that reads "Allergy Warning: This product contains peanuts".  No really? You ask.  Yes really I reply.  Who really needs that warning?

Having said that, this isn't the best comment I've ever read on a food packet.  Once I bought a pack of 2 sausage rolls from Safeway.  I know that there were 2 sausage rolls because the packet read "2 sausage rolls" and it was see-through as well so you could see 2 sausage rolls inside.  On the back a label read "This pack contains approximately 2 servings".  Approximately?

Sigh.  What have we become?

Have fun.