Meanderings of a Monkey Juggler

You must see this here.

Have fun.

I'm in a really snappy mood today and I reckon it's entirely down to the patients I'm seeing today. 

Almost without exception they're whingy, whiny types who feel the world owes them everything 'cos they've got some pain.

Almost without exception they've been humourless drones with no sense of levity.  It's one of the redeeming features of even the chavviest Brit that there is humour in adversity.  Today I've had people looking like the world has ended and all because their foot aches a bit (after 2 hours standing at the tills yesterday) or their back hurts because they're stressed (and so am I now you've come to see me). Oh shut up!  I don't like the phrase "get a life" but please get a life.  These people seem to think that life is perfect and the slightest thing means the end of all that is good and holy. 

Without exception I've been short with them at best.  I must get a grip on it or I'll get disciplined if this carries on.

Have fun.

[edit]

I've just had a lovely patient but she told me a story that seriously hacks me off.  She was in a car crash and had a basic whiplash issue.  I assessed her but instead of the standard muscular problems she has a top rib problem.  A bit unusual but was probably pre-existing and hadn't given her trouble pre-RTA.  I checked all the usual suspects as well and concluded that it's definitely the top rib.  Apart from anything the thing gives her exact pain when you poke it; usually a good sign of accurate diagnosis.  So she goes to see a doctor after being asked by her solicitors.  "What? The physio thinks it's top rib?  Idiot.  It's your neck" says the doc.  So the poor patient doesn't know what to think.  One clearly says it's "this"; the other fundamentally disagrees.  I'm the one less likely to be believed 'cos I'm no doctor.  But I do know about necks and shoulders and ribs.  Luckily for me (and her) the patient believes me as I actually did an assessment of the problem rather than a terse attempt at convincing the patient that what I say is right without bothering to look properly. [growl]

Sometimes.

It's Sunday morning and 2 young scamps have just knocked on my door very loudly (hopefully not waking K who's just back from working overnight [edit - oh they have]).  This happens a lot round here and I usually ignore such events.  However they knocked again leading me to think that they'd lost a ball over my wall or some such.  I answer the door to these 2 young'uns and they blurt out "Do you know anyone who wants their car washing?"  This is unusual.  Firstly as I don't have a car at present and second for the act of kindness these children wish to impart.  It's also odd because there is a professional car cleaning outfit about 10m away from my house.  But these kids then don't want to believe that the car parked outside my house is not mine (it really isn't) and threatened me with giving the car a good kicking.  Oh they've gone and spoiled the image.  Still, no skin off my nose if they damage the car.  I think my stating "Go on then, it doesn't bother me, it's not mine, I've already told you" sort of called their bluff.  [edit - the car remains undamaged as far as I can see - false bravado in chav children?  Who would of thought it?]

I've also been struggling with my neighbour's kids.  They've recently taken to clambering onto my bin to get on the roof have my outhouse.  I'm not very fussed about this as they're not likely to cause any damage but it's really not a safe place to be; or more precisely it's not a safe way to get there.  I've told them not to a couple of times but I might even have to tell their mum if I catch them again.  How old do I sound?

Have fun.

Sometimes.

Good:  A friend I made on my "learn to teach English to foreigners" course was originally from Hong Kong and when she finished the course she disappeared back there to teach.  I hadn't heard from her for ages and then out of the blue she goes and phones me up yesterday.  Cue big smile on my face.

Bad: Me for not keeping in touch with people.  I need to make some long phone calls.

Good: My brother and his son Spike.  Bro phoned me a couple of days ago and handed the phone to young Spike.  Cue my longest conversation to date with the young un.  Looking forward to meeting them again soon.

Bad: A patient who has one of those "I'm a smug arrogant git" faces.  She comes in and says "My husband has to come with me".  I reply with "There's not a lot of room."  She says ""But he's disabled and needs to have an eye kept on him".  "But there's more chance of that in the waiting room where there are more people as we'll be in a tiny cubicle and he'll have to sit outside it whilst we get on with the business in hand."  She grumps and accedes to that view (to me).  Anyway I then get called in by my Senior who has been informed by the receptionist that the lady was very upset and was told "In no way would my husband be allowed in as there's no room" and she wanted to make sure that someone could properly watch him; not an official job for a receptionist (What's wrong with him so that he needs 24 hour observation anyway?).  I get bollocked for upsetting the patient and receptionist.  That's not what I said!  The bloody man can come and sit there on his own in a corner with no-one watching over him for all I care but I thought he'd get more care by being somewhere with more pairs of eyes around.  Apparently not.

Sigh.

Have fun.

PS Anyone around for larks and frolics this evening? (Friday)

This is a bit of a thing.  Isn't it weird when opinions shift?  I've said before that people generally make up opinions and then find things to justify their position.  I've also said that I'm not a fan of this.  So time to fess up.  I'm as guilty as anyone and something's happened recently to make me realise it.  It all happened very quickly (as these things are wont to do).

First off we'll use the example of Tony Cake, juggler extraordinaire.  I was a member of his forum and enjoyed reading and contributing to it.  A few people have had conversations there re his dislike of the site-swap system.  But his response, rather than a simple "look I don't feel it adds anything to my life so why should I bother", was a collection of rants about "samey" juggling on the site and then a video showing him doing a passable impression of a learning disabled lad doing siteswaps.  Another bit was his claim that he could do 8 clubs.  Most reckoned his skill level was high enough that this wasn't far-fetched at all.  One or two questioned him as there was no video evidence of him doing 8 clubs.  So his latest is a vid of him getting 8 clubs 3 times (apparently he did it more than that during that session).  No problem you'd think.  Ah but no, then he has to tack on an arrogant response to any critics at the end of the video.

Further to this:  He recently changed the look of his site.  It's now white on black and is certainly eye-catching.  Problem is I can't easily read it (white on black really doesn't work well for astigmatism).  Other regulars have the same problem.  We said so and asked if he could re-think.  Cue the response that we should all have eye-tests and it's staying as it is so ner.  I have no problem with someone designing their website in the way that they like but to basically insult regular, polite and friendly people (who like the site and want to use it) stating a preference is hardly the attitude you want.  [edit: he's now changed it to something much more, eye-friendly so this paragraph can be partially discounted]

So my attitude has changed and I can see where some other people are coming from re this guy's arrogance. 

And who is there to publically articulate the same view as me?  Luke B, that's who.  He posted on rec.juggling re the 8 club video and used the line

8 clubs is very impressive, but I almost felt sick seeing
Anthony's reaction and the way he presented it.

I can't disagree with that at all.  In fact in many of his recent posts (that I've seen) he's come across as one of the more thoughtful and insightful people on rec.juggling.  And his opinions have closely correlated with mine.

He followed this with a post that ended with the sig:

Luke Burrage - reportedly "arrogant"

I checked and found out that the site that comes out on top in Yahoo when you search for "Luke Burrage arrogant" is this very site you're reading now.  I think I owe him an apology.  Over the last year he's impressed me greatly (especially with the BYJOTY organising and presentation) and I really have no leg to stand on to stand by some of the comments I've put in writing on here (although at least one I can think of was rather tongue-in-cheek; but I'm not going back and re-writing them).  If you're reading this Luke then, Sorry boss, if I've ever been unfair.

Have fun.

Steve Irwin died today!  Good heavens.

I remember mentioning him to Tanya once and she wasn't impressed that he (and some stupid right-wing politician at the time) was the public face of 'Straya.  She thought there were more people who could, perhaps, have been more dignified and would better sell the place.

I'm not sure I agree with this.  Agreed his first shows were a little OTT but then that's how he got himself known in the wider world.  As a business plan it worked a treat.  Recently though I've seen some of his shows that have shown him as a driven and, above all, passionate man.  That is passionate about his subject.  It was abundantly clear that he loved his life doing what he was doing.  The only possible reason to hate that is jealousy. 

Steve showed a true Australian attitude and if he's the model I'd be proud to be an Aussie.

Have fun.

...with a Chinese Gun!"

Welcome back to all and sundry. 

I've been on another jaunt to Bg with K and there's stuff to be told.

In the first day or so we were supposed to meet up with Paula and Pete (visiting her house).  After numerous calls and SMSs we didn't hear anything so assumed they were ignoring us.

So instead of meeting them we went out with some friends for a slap up meal.  As we entered the restaurant I saw a couple of familar looking people and thought; "Hmm they remind me of Pete and Paula".  I mentioned this to K and she went to have a look.  Turns out 'twas indeed P&P.  They'd had a delayed flight and no sleep.  Thus when setting out to Turnovo they'd been all a twitter and left their phones in their hotel by the sea.  Hence no contact.

So a nice meal was had and the following day I went with them to have a look at P and ma's place. Very nice - need pics tho'.

The following week was me and K's first ever go at running our Bg business idea.  A colleague and her husband and 4 year old were due to spend a week at our house and being escorted around the region.

Problem 1: Our house isn't ready.  The electrics are not done and there are no working showers or kitchen wotsits.  Oh and no furniture.  Thankfully they were happy to spend their nights either at the flat or K's mum's place.

Problem 2: No car.  Actually there is a car but it's a 27 year old, gas-powered Lada which has problems of reliability.  So we got them to agree to paying for a hire-car and we'd pay the petrol.  Fair deal I reckon.  Sadly everywhere in VT that laid claim to being a "Car Rental" company had no cars to rent - at all.  One place - and this tells you so much of the Bg service ethic - sort of shrugged and told us that they had no cars.  Well actually they might have one 15 year old car but they couldn't say whether it would be available or not.  Handy.  The problem was eventually sorted by one of K's pals who knows everybody in town and he pulled some strings to get us a 10 year old Astra.

So we managed the basics and headed off to pick them up.  They were arriving early one morning so we were to stay at one of K's friends places in Sofia overnight.  This avoided me having to drive across country over-night.  (not a pleasant prospect in Bg).  The flat was pretty poo as well (that was supposed to say "poor" but I think I prefer the typo). Before showering I was told "Don't worry about the cockroaches; they won't kill you."!!!!??!  A hurried stab at a shower wouldn't have worked properly anyway as the flow was so poor as to render it nonsensical to call it a shower.  More a dribble.

The guests arrived on time and we started their week's holiday.

Spent the week looking at local sites and eating in cool restaurants. 

The title of this post is a direct quote from their son when he was waiting in the police station.  Katya gave him one of Yosko's old toy guns which turned out to be made in China.

The guests apparently had a wonderful time; least ways they said so and I doubt they were lying to spare our feelings.

What did we learn?  If we can get advertised well enough then we know that there is enough to do and see for potential guests.  Our plan will work!

I drove them back to Sofia over-night despite my reservations.  It turned out that there was one hell of a storm to the west and we were driving straight to it.  Eeek.  That wasn't a fun ride.  Impressive though.

House stuff done afterwards and now I'm home again.  Back to work tomorrow.  Sigh.

And I checked my mail today.  "Genius" starts in Sept and my show will be on Radio 4 on October 5th at 6.30pm.  Turns out that's a Thursday.  They are cutting only 1 idea from each show so my chances of being on are better than I thought but I still don't know which idea will be cut. Fingers crossed.

Have fun.

PS  Many thanks for the extremely excellent search terms that are leading here.

Back from another juggling event; this time the Crawley Car Park Convention (As Clur would of it).

I got myself a lift down to the site with Phil and Camille (who pretty much slept the whole way).  And what a journey!  It took hours and we averaged 66kph (about 40mph) and it's a long way. 

And into the car park.  Yes a car park.  I have a tent.  I want to put my tent up.  It's a car park.

All available grassy knolls had been taken already.  There were some spots near the tents but these would be too noisy.  I ended up on an "island" with a lamp-post in the middle of it.  There wasn't enough room for my tent but it stayed up well enough to keep me dry overnight.

D phoned me up to ask "Where are you?" at the exact moment Phil switched his engine off in the car park as we arrived.  Now that's what I call timing.

Had a wander to chat to the regulars and then went to sit on the stairs and natter with whomever.  A longish chat with Carla ensued where she kept showing off her "talents" which she really shouldn't do.  But when you saw her face lit up on other folks' discomfort you can see why she still keeps doing it.  Stop it!  It's really not good.

Later on a few of us (inc Barnsey) went off for a meal down the Harvester.  Excellent food and waitress (who sadly wouldn't join us).

And back for the show:  What a show.

Normally I'd list the artistes and what I thought.  There wasn't a list that I found of everyone who was on in order and the comperes didn't introduce anyone so it's a bit difficult.  More about the comperes later.

• Chinese pole woman - Good act and some "gnarly skillz" but perhaps a little too long.
• Zack - winner of the "Perform at Crawley" prize at BYJOTY.  He was excellent and, apart from some visible lack of performing experience, was right at home on the stage.
• Trapeze girl with big hair - nice idea but very long and usually over-played any of the gags worth doing; always over-played the gags that weren't worth doing.
• Woman juggling - Nice 3 club stuff but a few too many drops.  I liked her movement though.
• Acrobatic troupe - very good skills and beautifully choreographed - probably my fave act of the night.  Anyone know who they were?  A shame they didn't do more in the second half.
• 2 person static trapeze type thing - very good routine although too much characterising going on and getting in the way.  This was a case of less is more.  For instance - there was a gert 'uge feather boa hanging off the thing wot they dangled off.  They were doing some nice links between moves up on the thing and this bloody boa just got in the way (visually).  Chuck it off and show us some decent contrast!  You were good enough to not need the amateur dramatics of the comperes as an adjunct to your act.  Oh and the best finish to an act I've seen in quite a while.
• Maksim Komaro - Finnish juggling legend. Excellent routine.  I heard a few people not being impressed but it was the best ball routine I've seen for a while.  I liked it and not only because he reminds me of Bernard Black.
• 2 dancers/strippers/clothes poi people - seen before t BJC (and apparently at EJC).  Nice music and characters but nothing too special.
• Luke Wilson - very nice clubs job.  Excellent choreography again and timed to perfection with the music.

And onto the comperes.  I don't think I'd go quite so far as calling for their heads or banning them from any shows ever again, BUT.... 

Here's the compere's rule book:

1. Tell us who's on next and "give it up for....[insert previous act here]" - NOT don't tell us.
2. Let us know when the next act is starting at least (so we know when to clap) - NOT just wandering on and off aimlessly and leaving chasms of silence.
3. Keep the energy of the show by being good and cracking on with it - NOT kill the atmos stone dead every time you come on stage to waste everyone's time.
4. In a family show do things that are family friendly - NOT get your knob out.
5. A joke is good enough to do once, possibly twice if you're Steve Rawlings. A non-joke is not good enough to do at all - NOT do a non-joke 3 times, for 5 minutes a time.

I know I like it when people break rules but some rules are there for a reason.  In much the same way as a "make your own" pizza is rarely as nice as a tried and tested recipe; you shouldn't monkey around with the compere's job too much.

The reason I've got a bee in my bonnet about this is that I don't like not liking people on stage.  I want to see people do well and have a good time - it means I get a good time too.  But this was embarrassing and I'm British, I do embarrassment but don't like it in public.

Anyway after the show it was a long chat in the bar until we got kicked out.  Wandered around a bit 'til bed time.  Oh and I did a good deed by giving some random strangers a pound for the coffee machine.

Sunday morning dawned miserable and rainy.  Got up to find breakfast and realised that I now had no money for food after giving that pound away.  Bugger.

People slowly got up and came to chat.  Did some juggling and left early.  Didn't get to say "bye" to many I wanted to but couldn't find everyone as we disappeared.  Anyway "Bye" to everyone I didn't get to say it to.  Better late than never.

Home to bed.  Oh no.  K tells me Paula's coming round.  Long chat about Bg and photos of her mum's place in Bg - very nice.  And eventually to bed.

I'm away from tomorrow - In Bg of course so I'll be quiet (or silent) 'til I'm back (31st).

Have fun.

Now then here's a thing.  When a really nasty event happens should the papers continually re-refer to it and dissect it?  Perhaps.  What if the event was the brutal murder of 2 young girls?  What could be gained from knowing more detail about the events then?  Perhaps a modus operandum or a hint of what can be used to stop future similar events.  That might be useful to some I suppose.

I saw the front page of the News of the Gits yesterday.  Splash! Scream!  Huntley tells all!  It's a long and in-depth discussion of what Ian Huntley has told his mum about the sequence of events when he murdered 2 young girls in Soham.  Without exception NONE of it is necessary to further any understanding of Huntley or his actions.  What the story does do (in spades) is bring up old wounds for the girls' families.  The story has loads of hideous and dreadful detail - it reads more like a horror novel rather than a news story.  What the hell did the NotW expect this story to do?  There isn't a single positive aspect to the story; not one.  How can they live with themselves?

I don't know.

Have fun.

Last weekend I was in London and saw this sign on a boat near Camden.

Have fun.